Okay, so if ya’ll can remember, there was a 2-3 week time period where I took a hiatus from writing any blogs, recipes, and even (gasp) not posted on Instagram! When I finally did post, I briefly mentioned how the husband and I were going through a difficult time. Well, I’m finally ready to share to the world what was happening and why I withdrew myself from everything. I also want to share my story in case there are any others of you going through, have gone through, or (God forbid) may go through with what I went through. Also, I warn you, this post might be a little TMI.
A couple of months ago I shared with y’all our honeymoon adventures in St. Lucia. About two weeks after that, the Tuesday after Memorial Day weekend to be exact, Greg and I had scheduled an appointment with an infertility doctor. We weren’t trying to have a baby or anything, but we did want to see what our options were when we finally did decide to bring a precious angel into this world. We are the type who want to be very well established, travel, and enjoy marriage before deciding to have a baby. We met with our doctor and he gave us very good advice. Very personable, compassionate, and we connected with him a lot. That’s exactly what I like to see in a doctor. Well if any of you have ever been to an infertility clinic, LOTS and I mean LOTS of blood work has to be done. Ugh…I can’t express enough my hate for needles. To say the least, I had my blood drawn the first day. I also had to schedule an appointment for an HSG X-Ray. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a standard procedure many patients have to have done to make sure nothing is blocking the fallopian tubes, etc. That test was scheduled 4 days after our first appointment, that Saturday.
I hadn’t heard from the doctor about the results from my first blood work, which was odd I guess. I didn’t think anything of it since it was just for general information (blood type, all that stuff). Flash forward to Saturday…Greg and I arrive at the doctors and he waited in a private waiting room while I prepared for my X-Ray. I had to pee in a cup, no surprise there. Standard rule. I undressed in my X-Ray room from waist down, laid on the table or whatever that thing is, and waited. A nurse and a doctor came in. As I waited, I really didn’t think anything of it at the time, but after they came into my room, they whispered, a lot. The doctor came over to me and asked if I had ever taken a pregnancy test before. I told her no. I had never had the need to! Well, three pregnancy tests and two blood tests later, I’m PREGNANT! I cried. A lot. I was in shock! The X-Ray couldn’t be done, because it would harm the baby, so they sent me off to Greg and I told him the news. He too was in total shock. I was about 4 weeks pregnant.
So many thoughts ran through my mind. I had to start eating better, I was scared to do any vigorous activities, just being overly cautious about my little poppy seed. They called me later that day to confirm my levels and to schedule another appointment to make sure my levels were doubling like they should. I had to get blood work done every two days. Well, here comes the sad part. My levels were rising, but not doubling. And all I kept hearing from the doctors was “this might not be viable” or “we are suspecting an ectopic pregnancy”. Great. I mean being told not to get your hopes up is easier said than done. I had so much hope and believed everything would work out. But hope for the best and expect the worst, right? About two weeks of this went on. This was the most physically and emotionally draining thing I have ever been through in my life. I wanted the baby so bad, but I also started to get upset and think of it as a setback, because we could have started infertility treatments already. Everything happens for a reason.
Mid June, around 6-8 weeks, we had an ultrasound done. Nothing. They couldn’t locate the fetus anywhere. It was then they diagnosed it as an Ectopic Pregnancy. So, for those who have no idea what that is, it basically means “not where it’s supposed to be”. I was indeed pregnant, but the baby was growing in my left fallopian tube. A big life threatening incident. They said if it didn’t miscarry, or I didn’t decide to terminate, my tubes would burst and I would have to go into emergency surgery possibly risking my life or risking never being able to get pregnant and have a baby..ever.
So through a lot of conversation and tears, Greg and I decided to induce a miscarriage. Hello methotrexate shot. I will forever hate that word. I was crushed. I was losing my first pregnancy and my honeymoon baby! Who would have thought we would have conceived on our honeymoon. How often does that happen, right? I went into the doctor, had two doses of the shot, one in each butt cheek..OUCH. Longest needle ever. Or it seemed that way anyway. 4 days after the shot we lost the baby 😦 Hell, I didn’t even know the sex of my baby and I was already so attached. How can you love something you’ve never met? Even writing this blog is bringing back sorrow.
Anyway, now our goal and main concern is for my HCG levels to drop. They were at a 970 and were dropping the way they should. I had my blood work done last Monday, and they were at a 37. Now I’m waiting on them to hit negatives and then return to 0. As soon as they hit 0, we have the okay to start trying for a baby. Since I had blood work done this morning, we will find out where they are this afternoon.
Since all of this, I feel like my moods haven’t been the same. Such an emotional drain. And through this whole process, I have had such an amazing, caring, understanding, loving and helpful husband. I really and truly have found a King who takes care of his Queen. While I was pregnant, he wouldn’t let me lift a finger! ..brought me flowers and was just always there. So I am prepared and excited for when the real deal happens. Greg will be a wonderful father. But I want all other couples out there to know that you are not alone! Many first time pregnancies result in miscarriage, sadly and Ectopic pregnancies are heartbreaking. But Greg and I and the doctors are very positive for the future. Even though we weren’t trying for a baby we will have one in the future! So for now, we are enjoying life. And we are ready for whatever else it has to throw in our way! Just taking it one day at a time 🙂